we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
