It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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