TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
