I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
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I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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