Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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