I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They have beer where we have blood.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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