You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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