Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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