moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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