he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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