Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
