What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
YAS. BRING CRAB.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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