just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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