I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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