We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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