i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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