If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
