Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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