Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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