Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
