Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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