Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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