morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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