I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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