Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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