May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
