I must be too annoying 4 u.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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