I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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