Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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