i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
