Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize