Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
