So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize