I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
