i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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