she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize