Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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