I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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