I can text with my tongue
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
