I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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