no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.