when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My pussy is not your playground.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.