Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good