I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again