He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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