boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize