when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
