It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
