Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
