so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize