I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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