No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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