I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
