my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!