apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This is the high leading the old right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason