Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.