Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.