There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
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I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?